Full Disclosure

In the wonderful world of Youth Ministry you never really know what your gonna' get. For example, I have about 50 kids signed up for our Halloween party tomorrow, but I don't know if I'm really going to have 35 or 60. With time, I am learning to go with the flow with this stuff. In general, most of our kids are great and just a joy to work with, but for every 10 or 12 good kids there is one "wild card". They couldn't be more different, either. For instance, we have a young man who is truly a juvenile delinquent, a very emotionally troubled young woman who we have to coax into class every week and watch every second because she will leave if no one is watching and a handful of kids who seem to have no clue about social norms and appropriateness just to name a few. I won't lie and say that they aren't a challenge, but my job is to minister to all the kids not just the good ones.

Here's my issue: there is a young man in our Tuesday class who constantly misbehaves, makes inappropriate noises, can't focus and throws things at other students. Sounds fun, I know. What makes him different than the other students is that through observing him I believe he has some kind of mental disorder which is causing the misbehavior. However, no one said anything when he was regsitered in the class. Not that we would kick out kids with mental problems. On the contrary, we try our best to accomodate all students. A few years ago, two Downs girls that many of you know were a mainstay in the program and the other students included them in everything. Students with disabilities actually help the other kids develop compassion and caring for people who are different. My question is whether parents should be expected to disclose their child's issues or disabilities? Of course, some cases like Downs are pretty obvious. But, a perfect example of my not having a clue happened just last year. A young man came with us on retreat and behaved strangely and inappropriately most of the time. He couldn't focus. He barely participated at all. I spent half the retreat yelling at him before I was informed that he was mildly autistic. Then it all made sense, especially when I caught him mesmerized by an icicle outside. (That was a scary moment. All I could imagine was the stupid thing stabbing him in the eye! Thank God it didn't.) I couldn't help but be irritated that the parents sent their kid off with us never thinking to inform us of his special needs. I feel the same way about the young man on Tuesday night. Yesterday, I caught him running back and forth on the dark side of the Activity Center as if someone was chasing him, but no one was there at all. Who are his parents and where are they? If he does have a mental disability then we need to find appropriate ways to engage him in activities and discontinue the normal punishments and yelling. They don't work, but with a little information I could figure out what could work which would save a lot of grief for us and our catechists who have all been wondering about him. With my Psych background it would be easy, but I'm not sure that I should spend a lot of time worrying about it until I find out for sure what his issue is. Do I call his parents and risk offending them if he isn't actually disabled? Do I just hope it comes out some day down the road? I feel like I'm in a very awkward position. I really wish that parents felt it was their responsibilty to fully disclose any issues that we may need to be concerned about whether it be mental, emotional, physical or behavioral. It would sure help a lot.