Music Ministry Moments
Every now and then I like to sit and reflect on all the crazy people and things that we have all experienced through our wonderful church music group. Today, I am struck by how funny and absurd most of it has been, so the following is not a rant. It’s just a light hearted trip down memory lane. So, don’t take any of it personally! (You know who you are!) It’s good to laugh at ourselves every now and then!
Remember this…
Cantors and Other Divas and Devos
Girls who like to sing Madrigal songs ALL the time!
Over-sensitive Sopranos.
The Mariah Carey wannabe.
Tenors who walk out because their mics “aren’t on”.
The male cantor who was verbally abusive on the phone when he was demoted. Needless to say, he never came back, but enjoyed nice exposure on the County Ch.1.
Cantor Kim. There have been a few. Lisa’s twin and one that Don alienated early on.
Rent a cantor. Supposedly, we were all so bad that ringers had to be called in.
A female vocalist’s father who was verbally abusive when answering the phone. “You girls are just trying to keep my little girl down!”
All the “Other” Singers
All the pitch challenged singers that ignored us when we asked them to abstain from singing at different times.
The pitch challenged singer who ruined a group recording when she sang when we asked her not to.
Singers who are blessed with natural volume but not pitch. Life just isn’t fair!
Singers who jump to conclusions and read too much into things- literally!
“I Play the Flute, That’s Why I Sing This Song…”
Flute Girl and her stage mother. “You don’t have children, so you don’t know what it’s like!” sob, sob.
The flute player who kept joining and quitting the group when something better came up
The three flautists. Oy vey! Diva central.
The commitment phobic flautist. Run away…
Other Musicians…I Mean Instrumentalists
The clarinet player and his stage mother. “I need a mic. My mom can’t hear me.” That’s funny; the rest of the church hears your snake charming just fine!
The ADD guitar player who couldn’t read music, but had rock star dreams. Be careful jumping off that amp!
The bass player who had a thing for just about every young lady in the group. Age don’t mean a thing!
The bass player who keeps taking out of state jobs.
The cello player who could play wonderfully but couldn’t graduate.
“I Don’t Wanna’ Work, I Just Wanna’ Bang on the Drum All Day”
The bongo player who stopped coming.
Rhythmically challenged tambourine players!
Here’s a really old one…The crazy clave player who stood on the sides of her feet and made me deaf.
Freaks & Geeks
The sound guy who scared us all. If you ask him to change a level, he might knock you out! “You need to tell your bitch-ass girlfriend not to mess with the board!”
The same scary sound guy who told people that he was having an affair with one of the female singers.
The stalker sound-guy. Don’t give him your number; he will call- a lot! “I’m making a video and maybe you could be in it. I’d like to get a tape of you singing.”
Lame Excuses and Other Ways to Get Out of Mass
The overcommitted; but they swear that their schedules are about to slow down.
People who are “on a break.” (The worst thing we ever did!)
Sunday gardeners. “I can’t make it tonight. I have yard work.”
“You don’t really need me this week (i.e. I don’t like the music.), so I’m going to sit out.”
“Someone has to be home for the dishwasher repairman.”
“You’re taking the week off; I think I will too.”
Other Things We Love to Hear
“Is my mic on? I can’t hear myself.”
“I have a friend/cousin/sister who sings…”
“I must have been on hiatus when you did this song.” Argh! Must we teach the same songs over and over again?!
Broken record liturgists. “It’s not a performance! It’s not a performance!” “Don’t pick meditation songs that people might applaud.”
Way Back in the Day
Jr. High kids were once part of the group.
George and Phil. Who the hell are they again?
Two or three girls sharing one mic every week!
5:00 Mass camping trips!
Dinners at Debbie’s. “God help the man who marries you!”
Ever changing rehearsal schedules. Let’s try Sunday before Mass. Let’s try Saturday once a month. Let’s try Tuesday after school…
Learning a new Psalm 10 minutes before Mass.
Potpourri For $500, Alex
People who don’t know traditional Christmas Carols, Garth Brooks’ The River or On Eagle’s Wings. :)
People who only know songs by Jaime Cortez. “Rain down, rain down…”
Overly affectionate couples in the group.
Leaders of other groups who are harboring some resentment or envy and like to make snide little remarks.
All the people who came once or twice and we never saw them again.
People who join the group for a social outlet.
Group therapy sessions.
Lisa’s mom: our biggest fan.
The Great Debate: Youth Mass- to be or not to be…
Practically Perfect in Every Way
Diva Desiree. “It just wouldn’t be Christmas without Desiree throwing a fit!” Thanks, Louie! :)
Marital musical spats at Mass.
The glare.
I hope this was fun for most of you and probably really boring for people who don’t know anything about CTK Music Ministry. Sorry, I can’t always have general appeal! Let me know if I missed anything. I’m sure I’ve repressed- I mean forgotten- something! lol.
Remember this…
Cantors and Other Divas and Devos
Girls who like to sing Madrigal songs ALL the time!
Over-sensitive Sopranos.
The Mariah Carey wannabe.
Tenors who walk out because their mics “aren’t on”.
The male cantor who was verbally abusive on the phone when he was demoted. Needless to say, he never came back, but enjoyed nice exposure on the County Ch.1.
Cantor Kim. There have been a few. Lisa’s twin and one that Don alienated early on.
Rent a cantor. Supposedly, we were all so bad that ringers had to be called in.
A female vocalist’s father who was verbally abusive when answering the phone. “You girls are just trying to keep my little girl down!”
All the “Other” Singers
All the pitch challenged singers that ignored us when we asked them to abstain from singing at different times.
The pitch challenged singer who ruined a group recording when she sang when we asked her not to.
Singers who are blessed with natural volume but not pitch. Life just isn’t fair!
Singers who jump to conclusions and read too much into things- literally!
“I Play the Flute, That’s Why I Sing This Song…”
Flute Girl and her stage mother. “You don’t have children, so you don’t know what it’s like!” sob, sob.
The flute player who kept joining and quitting the group when something better came up
The three flautists. Oy vey! Diva central.
The commitment phobic flautist. Run away…
Other Musicians…I Mean Instrumentalists
The clarinet player and his stage mother. “I need a mic. My mom can’t hear me.” That’s funny; the rest of the church hears your snake charming just fine!
The ADD guitar player who couldn’t read music, but had rock star dreams. Be careful jumping off that amp!
The bass player who had a thing for just about every young lady in the group. Age don’t mean a thing!
The bass player who keeps taking out of state jobs.
The cello player who could play wonderfully but couldn’t graduate.
“I Don’t Wanna’ Work, I Just Wanna’ Bang on the Drum All Day”
The bongo player who stopped coming.
Rhythmically challenged tambourine players!
Here’s a really old one…The crazy clave player who stood on the sides of her feet and made me deaf.
Freaks & Geeks
The sound guy who scared us all. If you ask him to change a level, he might knock you out! “You need to tell your bitch-ass girlfriend not to mess with the board!”
The same scary sound guy who told people that he was having an affair with one of the female singers.
The stalker sound-guy. Don’t give him your number; he will call- a lot! “I’m making a video and maybe you could be in it. I’d like to get a tape of you singing.”
Lame Excuses and Other Ways to Get Out of Mass
The overcommitted; but they swear that their schedules are about to slow down.
People who are “on a break.” (The worst thing we ever did!)
Sunday gardeners. “I can’t make it tonight. I have yard work.”
“You don’t really need me this week (i.e. I don’t like the music.), so I’m going to sit out.”
“Someone has to be home for the dishwasher repairman.”
“You’re taking the week off; I think I will too.”
Other Things We Love to Hear
“Is my mic on? I can’t hear myself.”
“I have a friend/cousin/sister who sings…”
“I must have been on hiatus when you did this song.” Argh! Must we teach the same songs over and over again?!
Broken record liturgists. “It’s not a performance! It’s not a performance!” “Don’t pick meditation songs that people might applaud.”
Way Back in the Day
Jr. High kids were once part of the group.
George and Phil. Who the hell are they again?
Two or three girls sharing one mic every week!
5:00 Mass camping trips!
Dinners at Debbie’s. “God help the man who marries you!”
Ever changing rehearsal schedules. Let’s try Sunday before Mass. Let’s try Saturday once a month. Let’s try Tuesday after school…
Learning a new Psalm 10 minutes before Mass.
Potpourri For $500, Alex
People who don’t know traditional Christmas Carols, Garth Brooks’ The River or On Eagle’s Wings. :)
People who only know songs by Jaime Cortez. “Rain down, rain down…”
Overly affectionate couples in the group.
Leaders of other groups who are harboring some resentment or envy and like to make snide little remarks.
All the people who came once or twice and we never saw them again.
People who join the group for a social outlet.
Group therapy sessions.
Lisa’s mom: our biggest fan.
The Great Debate: Youth Mass- to be or not to be…
Practically Perfect in Every Way
Diva Desiree. “It just wouldn’t be Christmas without Desiree throwing a fit!” Thanks, Louie! :)
Marital musical spats at Mass.
The glare.
I hope this was fun for most of you and probably really boring for people who don’t know anything about CTK Music Ministry. Sorry, I can’t always have general appeal! Let me know if I missed anything. I’m sure I’ve repressed- I mean forgotten- something! lol.
posted by Unknown at 7:27 PM
4 Comments:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks Des, That brightened up my day! I miss you! I'm so glad thatwe grew up in such a humorous enviroment.:) You never know what to expect at CTK. :) Have a GREAT dAY!
love , Katie
(TWO WEEKS!!!!!!!) :)111
How about the infamous, "That would really suck" incident?
Or the bandaid suggestion...
LOL!!! I totally forgot about those! Geez! Funny stuff.
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