Theater Whores

I bet I got some attention over that one! What exactly is a theater whore and how do you get one?! A theater whore is a person who will sacrifice everything to be in a show. Their lips are permanently afixed to the director's ass. They are annonyingly agreeable and "live" for even a meesly five minutes on stage. It might seem that I am talking about cut-throat Equity (stage actors' union) shows in New York or LA. But, no, theater whores are alive and well in Las Vegas community theater. Yes, I said community theater where everyone has a "real" job and no one gets paid a cent (you'll get gas money if you're really lucky!). Community theater: where directors say, "Jump", and you say, "How high?". Your compensation is the theater experience; what an honor it is to rehearse every night after working a "real" job all day. And what are you thinking if you believe that you can have a personal life on top of it all? From the second you audition to the curtain call on closing night (if you're really lucky, you get to stay and strike the set!), you belong to the director. You are owned;your soul has been bought and sold;you are the company's bitch. And, you think that you are the lucky one!

Yes, I am a former theater whore. There was a time when I gave my life and did my part to perpetuate the practice. Today, I am a theater whore no more! I have been liberated, and other actors can be, too! But, before you do, here is a true story of life after freedom: Earlier this week, I auditioned for a local musical. I was very wishy-washy about auditioning in the first place, but decided that it would be a fun thing to do this summer with a few of my friends. So, I auditioned and (in my estimation) did a pretty good job- definitely better than many I had seen. Alas, I have been denied the prestige of acting in a community show, because I committed the cardinal sins of having (gasp!) a conflict with an all day rehearsal and not being completely open to a role in the chorus (gasp!). When asked the question, I didn't say, "yes" or "no"; I said, "possibly". What kind of actress am I?! What in the world was I thinking?! Who am I to think that people should be cast for their ability not due to a lack of conflicts or an eagerness to please the director even if the situation isn't pleasing to oneself? How dare I insist on carrying on a life outside of the show? On a serious note, it is disconcerting to know that directors will sacrifice talent and quality in their shows without even thinking about trying to work through scheduling or casting issues. Community theater directors shouldn't forget that the actors in their shows are from the community (hence the adjective), and therefore carry on very full and active lives outside the theater experience. You would think that it would be in their best interest to work with their actors to create a more professional and quality production for the ticket purchasing public rather than just casting people who don't have issues and are over-eager, because it's just easier that way. Don't directors and theater companies have a responsibility to their patrons to put-on the best show possible with the best cast possible? I don't think missing one rehearsal would kill the show, but I could be wrong... Until more actors stand up for their lives, directors will continue to demand what is at times unreasonable from people who mearly have a love for music and theater. We are volunteers after all. Maybe I should start a support group like Volunteers Anonymous or Theater Whores Anonymous. So, to every community actor who has missed a family wedding due to a rehearsal or has danced across stage in the chorus when you knew that you could have pulled off the lead better, I implore you to take back your lives and just say no! I did it,and you can, too! Maybe I won't be in the show, but I will enjoy drinking margaritas at my Fourth of July party!