Family vs Friends
Family dynamics are never simple. There are people who despise their families and blame them for every awful thing that they have encountered. It's funny that when they get in trouble on their own, they blame their family for that, too. "But, I needed you then most of all." On the other hand, there are people who idolize their family members and place them on pedestals far above the rest of man-kind. It must be a Super Hero complex of some kind. Do they need to believe in someone so desperately that they can't possibly accept that the people they share a bloodline with are (gasp!) fallible?! Yes, even "perfect" siblings, cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. screw up their lives and very effectively screw the people that love them without the need for a common bloodline. Of course, the family member must be right, or life as we know it would come to an end.
Neither of the above views is very healthy. Families can be wonderful support systems, and theoretically they are "there" through all the good and all the bad. I've come to view extended family as a group of people that you really don't have anything in common with except bloodline. Sure, you love and care for each other, but there are many people in my family that I probably would not hang out with if we didn't share a genealogy. That sounds harsh, but it's true. I have had great friendships with some of my cousins, especially when we were growing up. So, I am by no means anti-family. I just see my family members for who they really are.
I once felt that friends weren't worth much, because there was no proof of loyalty. Unlike family, nothing makes a friend appreciate or like you. Friends can burn you better than anyone. I was recently reminded of how nice it is to be stabbed in the back and betrayed by "friends". How it hurts to admit that not every friend is going to have your best interests at heart and that not everyone can be trusted. The priviledge of friendship is intimacy and betrayal of that trust is inexcusable. If I were to be asked for forgiveness (not holding my breath), I hope that I could be the bigger person, but as each day goes by it becomes less likely. Pride may never allow you to speak another word to me or to look me in the eyes, but I know the darkness, loneliness and emptiness in your soul, and maybe that's enough. For now, go on and live your lie. Do you believe in Karma?
Whoa, a little too deep and pointed there! On a more positive note, genuine friendships are incredibly life giving. I am also blessed with very loving and loyal friends. By no means do they just tell me what I want to hear. Rather, they challenge me to see the truth when I'm off-base and support me when truth is in my face and it seems that the everything is crumbling around me. We are silly and fun, too. I have also recently learned that true friendship cries, laughs, argues and loves through it all. I don't always have to be the life-of-the-party. I can cry, or be incredibly boring and they still want to be with me just as I am. I cherish these relationships and have found so much strength and courage through them. I love you guys; you're the family that I got to choose. I will always be there for you just as you have been for me. Now, I just need to be a little bit better about weeding out the bad apples...
Alright, next time I will try to make my post a little more interesting for the reader who doesn't have a clue what's going on. Bear with me, I just needed to get this one out and move on.
Neither of the above views is very healthy. Families can be wonderful support systems, and theoretically they are "there" through all the good and all the bad. I've come to view extended family as a group of people that you really don't have anything in common with except bloodline. Sure, you love and care for each other, but there are many people in my family that I probably would not hang out with if we didn't share a genealogy. That sounds harsh, but it's true. I have had great friendships with some of my cousins, especially when we were growing up. So, I am by no means anti-family. I just see my family members for who they really are.
I once felt that friends weren't worth much, because there was no proof of loyalty. Unlike family, nothing makes a friend appreciate or like you. Friends can burn you better than anyone. I was recently reminded of how nice it is to be stabbed in the back and betrayed by "friends". How it hurts to admit that not every friend is going to have your best interests at heart and that not everyone can be trusted. The priviledge of friendship is intimacy and betrayal of that trust is inexcusable. If I were to be asked for forgiveness (not holding my breath), I hope that I could be the bigger person, but as each day goes by it becomes less likely. Pride may never allow you to speak another word to me or to look me in the eyes, but I know the darkness, loneliness and emptiness in your soul, and maybe that's enough. For now, go on and live your lie. Do you believe in Karma?
Whoa, a little too deep and pointed there! On a more positive note, genuine friendships are incredibly life giving. I am also blessed with very loving and loyal friends. By no means do they just tell me what I want to hear. Rather, they challenge me to see the truth when I'm off-base and support me when truth is in my face and it seems that the everything is crumbling around me. We are silly and fun, too. I have also recently learned that true friendship cries, laughs, argues and loves through it all. I don't always have to be the life-of-the-party. I can cry, or be incredibly boring and they still want to be with me just as I am. I cherish these relationships and have found so much strength and courage through them. I love you guys; you're the family that I got to choose. I will always be there for you just as you have been for me. Now, I just need to be a little bit better about weeding out the bad apples...
Alright, next time I will try to make my post a little more interesting for the reader who doesn't have a clue what's going on. Bear with me, I just needed to get this one out and move on.
posted by Unknown at 8:09 PM
4 Comments:
Well said Goddess!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sorry about the first one...there was more I wanted to put: I too, am still waiting for the person who hurt me to ask to be forgiven. I also feel those same feelings about a certain person whom you know so well. But I do have a question; do you ever think how I might feel? I also was betrayed by a friend, granted it wasn’t a friendship that was fully developed, but still it was a cherished friendship. You also should know that the person who you are waiting to be asked forgiveness, doesn't know how they can approach someone who has so much hatred towards them.
Kind of hard to believe in Karma as a Christian, kind of defeats the purpose right? Better make up your mind as to which one you want to play with, for me its Christianity. I am sorry you are hurt but it’s obvious you have no intent to move on; instead you will continue to feel sorry for yourself while never really looking deeply at the issue or the people (plural) involved. Through God all things are made right, not by feeling bad for ones self but for trusting in his awesome love and power & until you can trust him 100% you will never quit wallowing in your pain by throwing out random thoughts that only make you feel justified for the ugliness in your dark heart. I truly hope that he can get you through this, because until you can give it to God and let it go with him, you will be the only one suffering over and over again.
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